After giving birth, I knew I wanted to nurse Hudson until he was one year old.  That was my goal.  It seemed so daunting in the beginning when I was nursing him every two hours, pumping at night, milk leaking in my bed, squirting out in the shower and having to wake up several times throughout the night to nurse him.  How could I possibly keep it up for a whole year?  I repeated my new mom mantra, "it always gets easier.  Everything is so temporary."  And so it was.  Hudson learned how to latch, how to hold up his own head and how to go longer periods without needing to be nursed.  

By the time he turned one nursing Hudson was easy.  Well, actually it became easier much earlier than one, but at one I had to re-evaluate my goal.  It was such an incredibly bonding time and it felt great to be able to give him what he needed.  Rocking my baby to sleep at night, singing him a lullaby and nursing him - that was our special time.  

Before I knew it Hudson was two and for various reasons I decided it was time to say bye bye to "kiki".  The word milky became kiki before he could pronounce milky.  It was definitely convenient for those times when he publicly asked for kiki - like the time we were shopping at Trader Joe's.  Hudson:  mommy, kiki?  Lady:  he's so cute; what's kiki?  Me:  who knows - silly baby!  ; )  

I worried that once I stopped nursing Hudson he would be too "big" for cuddling with mommy when he woke up.   Thankfully, our morning ritual with kiki has been replaced with another one - cuddling in mommy's bed.  I do miss the special bond from nursing my baby, but I also like knowing that when he wants to cuddle, it's just to cuddle and not because he wants kiki.  

I wanted to  memorialize the last day to make the transition easier (for both of us).  For several days leading up to the last day of kiki we talked about how it was almost time for kiki to go bye bye and that it was almost all gone.  On January 30th, I nursed my baby for the last time.  We cuddled in bed and said bye bye to kiki.  We watched the trains through the window and we imagined that kiki went bye bye on the pretty blue and green choo choo train to find another baby who needed kiki.  It was a special moment and one I won't forget. 

Hudson looked out the window and said "bye bye kiki, nice to see you!"  

For several nights, he looked up at me with his big brilliant blue eyes while I was rocking him and said "mommy, try kiki a little bit?"  He still asks for kiki every couple of days and sometimes I have to remind him that kiki went bye bye on the pretty blue and green choo choo train to find another baby, and sometimes he catches himself and tells me the story.  

Another milestone marked.  Bye bye kiki - nice to see you!