Monday was a crappy day. It was a day that a daughter (or son) never expects to happen, but sometimes it just does. It was the day that my Dad decided he no longer wants to be a part of mine and my son's lives. Am I the only one? The only one whose father doesn't want a relationship with his own daughter? After days of sitting with so many mixed emotions I finally decided I would blog about it. 

Yesterday afternoon I was thinking about what I wanted to say and how much of my personal life I wanted to reveal. Would I actually tell the world that my own Dad doesn't want me in his life, or would I just speak about it in vague terms ? Or maybe I can talk about it without revealing that it was my dad who walked away versus some hypothetical family? What was I making it mean about 'me' that my Dad made this choice?

While I was pondering my approach I hopped on to a colleague's blog, and I saw a picture of a father holding his daughter's hand. At first glance I thought it was going to be a post about Amy's husband and their little girl, but once I started reading I realized it was not. As I read the first few sentences, I just about fell out of my chair. She posted it earlier that same morning. "When Your Parent Can't Give You the Love You Deserve." Clearly (and sadly) I am not the only one. 

I couldn't possibly discuss the subject any better than Amy already has, and therefore please visit Amy's post by clicking here.  Her post has given me so many gifts - most of all, perspective and compassion. Bravo to Amy for being so open and telling the truth.   

About a year ago Jamie gave me a gift of piano lessons to take whenever I wanted.  Or, whenever I made time.  I still haven't made the time.  But, about a month ago I told him that I have changed my mind, and I wanted to trade in my piano lessons for swim lessons.  I don't know how to swim.  I know how to get myself from one end of the pool to the other without drowning, but I've never learned *how* to swim.  Watching me swim is painful to any onlooker.  It's about as entertaining to watch as it is watching Jamie snowboard down the mountain.  Flailing arms and legs, completely out of control and barely staying afloat.  

About two weeks ago I was telling a girlfriend how much Hudson loves his swim class, and how I would really like to take swim lessons and become a strong swimmer.  About one week ago, Jamie was given an opportunity to take a Total Immersion intensive swim course this week in Coronado, (http://www.totalimmersion.net/), but he has to work, so I get to take the course in his place.  Lucky me!  I got what I asked for in less than one month's time; not a bad turn-around time.  And I don't believe it had anything to do with "luck".  I set my intention on swimming lessons, and I put it out to the universe.  

This is not the first time I've set an intention and then watched it pop up in my life.  (Stay tuned for part two of setting your intentions for the most amazing story of getting exactly what I asked for).  The universe is filled with energy, and when you set an intention and hold it in your mind, that energy moves you in the direction that you want to go.  I know, some of you are thinking - energy, c'mon?!  Don't take my word for it, give it a try. Set an intention for something small, but something you don't see showing up in your life every day.  A ladybug, or a purple ball.  Be as specific as you can and then hold your intention in your mind until you see it.  Keep your eyes open, you've likely already seen it, but we're rarely present enough in the moment to really see what our eyes are looking at.   

As a new mom, my eyes are not only always on Hudson, but my thoughts are as well.  It's sometimes hard to even know what it is that I want anymore, much less to ask for it. I often get wrapped up in Hudson's world and my new life of being a mom that I forget what I, Michelle Mitchell, wants or enjoys outside of being a mom.  My swim lessons are Monday through Friday this week and it's really the first time I've done something completely for myself in nine months.  It feels great to be checking back in to my needs and wants for a change.  

It's far too easy to get fully wrapped up into my baby's world, which is why I have to pencil in time to ask myself what brings me joy  and then set my intentions accordingly.  Just as I've said in prior blogs, I know that I am a much better mommy when I do things for myself and enjoy life as an adult!  Hudson completely approves of mommy taking care of herself so that she can show up more fully when she spends time with him.