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I hear a lot of complaints from new moms, but the biggest complaint is lack. of. sleep!  (Now, that's not to say I don't hear about an overwhelming amount of joy, because I do.  But my coaching clients don't hire me to talk about how much they love being a mom.)  I recently read that new moms lose about 350 hours of sleep in the first year!  Nobody told us we wouldn't sleep for an entire year. Maybe nobody told us that before we became a mom for fear of extinction.  We don't function well on less than a full night of sleep.   

One of my clients was complaining that her baby was staying up until 11:00 p.m. when she and her husband went to bed and only slept eight total hours at night.  After we spoke she decided to try letting her baby learn to put himself to sleep around 7pm and after crying for less than an hour he was fast asleep.  And, he slept until 7:00 a.m. the next day.  She was shocked - how could this be so easy?!

Sometimes we don't give our little ones the credit they deserve.  We're apprehensive to try new things for fear that they won't adapt or it won't work or that it may make things worse than they were before we tried.  And sometimes when we try new things we learn that our stories about what *may* happen are just that - stories.  And our reality is often different from our stories.

I am completely guilty of this.  I hear myself saying things like "I'm afraid to eliminate Hudson's 5:00 a.m. feeding because he may wake up a lot earlier than his usual 7am wake up".  Last night was night three of weaning Hudson from his 5:00 a.m. feeding.  For the past several months he goes to bed at 7:00 p.m., usually wakes up around 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. for a 10-minute feeding and then he falls right back to sleep until around 7:00 a.m.  Although the 5:00 a.m. feeding is quick, it still breaks up my (and his) sleep, which isn't ideal for either of us.

I thought for sure he would scream and protest when I refused to feed him, but like is most often the case, I was wrong.  He has woken up around 5am the past few mornings, and I haven't fed him, but after a few minutes of whining he's fallen back to sleep.  I go into his bedroom and tell him "it's time to go to sleep, baby", and I leave the room and crawl back into my snuggly bed.  Within 10 minutes he's out like a light.  

Hudson's pediatrician has told me time-and-time-again that it will only take 3-5 nights before he realizes he's not getting fed at 5:00 a.m. and he will start sleeping straight through.  He's usually right about everything, but for whatever reason I've resisted trusting this advice.  Tonight will be night four and I *believe* that Hudson is smart enough to sleep straight through without waking.  And if not, I'll keep trying.  



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There's one thing I know for sure.  Nothing.  I know absolutely nothing about my son's sleep pattern.  Is there even a pattern?  I suppose the only "pattern" is that it changes constantly.  

I, like just about every new mom that I've met, puts Hudson to sleep each night by rocking and nursing him.  Sometimes he passes out in my arms and I transfer him to his crib ever-so-carefully, and other times I put him in his crib while he's barely awake. I enjoy rocking and nursing him to sleep, but "everybody" says that I need to train him to sleep on his own.  Byron Katie would ask, "is it true?".  

One thing's for sure - good or bad, don't count on any sleep pattern to last. Sometimes he sleeps 11 hours straight through the night, other times he wakes up once or twice and last night he was up more than he slept.  

I've read just about every sleep book on the market and I've tried several different "sleep training" methods to teach Hudson how to put himself to sleep.  The No Cry Sleep Solution, The Sleep Lady Shuffle, you name it.  

Two nights ago I tried the shuffle, and I let Hudson cry it out for almost 45 minutes.  Granted, he wasn't "ferberized" (left in a dark room by himself); I sat right next to his crib, rubbing his back and whispering "nighty-night" as he wailed.  And wailed.  And wailed some more.  Although, sitting next to his crib didn't make me feel any better.  My entire body was tense and I felt like I was literally going to throw up.  "One more minute", I kept telling myself.  Surely he would tire himself out and fall asleep if I waited just one more minute.  One more minute turned into 10 and 20 and before I knew it, 45 minutes.  I picked him up, and did everything that all of the books say not to do.  I rocked and nursed my baby to sleep.  It was the one thing that felt "right" over the 45 minute period.  


It seems as though the only thing I "trained" Hudson to do is to cry when he goes into his nursery.  Not so successful.  

Everyone has a different opinion on infant sleep and sleep training.  There's no wrong and there's no right way of dealing with it.  It's all about what feels right to you - what is your gut telling you to do.  I stopped listening to my gut two nights ago, which told me "pick the baby up.  pick the baby up." Instead, I listened to my thoughts, which said, "if you pick the baby up, you fail."  My thoughts about picking my baby up were causing me to feel like a failure - picking my baby up is a circumstance and circumstances cannot cause pain, only our thoughts about a circumstance.  

Tonight I chose to rock and nurse Hudson to sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day and I may choose to give the shuffle a try once again.  And I may not.  But, either way, my body will know what to do.     

Infant sleep is such a touchy subject.  It's one that my partner and I disagree about and argue over constantly.  "Mother knows best", I tell him.  After all, mother gets baby to sleep at night.  And mother is okay with rocking and nursing her angel to sleep.  
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