The only thing worse than being sick is seeing your baby in pain. Hudson picked up a nasty cold and was feeling really crappy all last week.  His nose was running and yet, at the same time he was so congested that he couldn't nurse without gasping for air.  He was coughing so violently that he couldn't sleep for more than about an hour or two at a time.  My poor buddy was really suffering last week. 

And poor mommy was suffering from lack of sleep. By about the third night of getting up every couple of hours, I just wanted to collapse. I wanted to drop to my knees and cry.  I wanted my mommy to come and take care of me. 

The last of the several times we were up was rough. I nursed and rocked Hudson back to sleep, which took almost an hour.  We were up from 3:00 to 3:50 a.m., and that was after being up several times before that.  I put him back to bed, walked into my bedroom half asleep and before I had a chance to pull the covers up, I heard him crying over the monitor again. And coughing. 

I broke down. I totally crumbled.  I couldn't take care of myself at that point, how could I possibly take care of little Hudson?  I literally pulled the covers over my head and balled like a baby. I remember crying and saying, "I can't do this" over and over.  I cried for a good few minutes, and then I attempted to pull myself back together.  I begrudgingly threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. By the time I reached the nursery, the room was silent.  And so was I. 

In my completely exhausted, sleep-deprived state I piled on a ton of self-guilt.  What kind of mom lays in bed and cries and gives up when her baby is sick and can barely breathe? (One who is really sleep-deprived and half asleep!)  I felt so desperate in that moment - and so disappointed in myself. 

Being a single mom is really hard sometimes. It's not always hard, and it often has some really cool benefits, but when we're out of our routine and waking up every couple of hours for several nights in a row, it. is. hard.  Really hard. I would have given anything to be able to say, "honey, it's your turn to get up with Hudson."  I don't have that option any more. But, I know that I am doing the best that I can. 

Thankfully, Hudson is back to good health and we have both been sleeping like babies the past few nights! 

I don't eat meat.  I don't eat turkey.  I don't eat chicken.  I don't eat ham.  (This is starting to sound like a Dr. Seuss book.)  I very occasionally eat bacon, but that's not meat; that's bacon.  Bacon is not meat, it's bacon!  

Despite my aversion to meat, I do enjoy the tradition of making Thanksgiving dinner.  I cook a turkey every couple of years.  I'm told they are quite delicious.  

I usually buy a fresh turkey, but this year I got sucked into buying a frozen turkey from my favorite grocer, Trader Joe's. 

10:40 p.m. last night. I was laying in bed running through everything I need to do to make tomorrow go as smoothly as possible.  The turkey is already brined. Do I have a big enough roasting pot? I think so. Do I have a thermometer?  No, but I know who does.
I need to calibrate my oven; it's a little off.  What time do I need to put the turkey in the oven?  Oh crap!  I suddenly recalled that it takes days to thaw out a turkey.  I quickly conferred with my reliable friend, google, who told me that my turkey will take 2-3 days to thaw out.  I jumped out of bed and threw the bird into the refrigerator.  

8:43 a.m.  this morning.  Checked the turkey.  Still hard as a rock.  Make that a boulder.  As hard as a boulder.  Quick, get back in touch with google. How do I thaw the bird today.  safely.  ?  Okay, ice the bird at room temperature, changing the water every 30 minutes.  Be careful that there are no tears in the bag.  Make sure the bird stays cold.  Make sure you change the water every. thirty. minutes.  I cannot spend all day changing the bird's water every thirty minutes!  I have things to do.  Important things to do. 

9:03 a.m.  Called Trader Joe's. Explained that I need to return my frozen turkey that I bought this past Sunday.  Explained that I forgot it takes days to thaw a turkey.  I apologized, and explained that I need to return it so that I can go elsewhere to buy a fresh bird. The gentleman on the phone told me that they only have fresh turkeys, but in any event, I was welcome to bring my bird back.  I bought the bird at a different TJ's, they must have different turkeys.

9:22 a.m.  Drove to Trader Joe's with my bird.  We walked up to the manager, my bird and I, and I explained my predicament.  "I'm so sorry, but I  bought a frozen bird and I neglected to take it out of the freezer in time.  I would like to return the bird so I can go somewhere else where I can buy a fresh bird."  

9:23 a.m.  TJ's manager politely explained to me, without making me feel like a complete idiot, that my bird was fresh.  I took a fresh bird and plunked it in the freezer!  He graciously agreed to exchange the bird.  All of the birds were bigger than my original bird.  Not by much, but enough to cost a little more.  No problem.  Except that in my moment of panic, I left the house without my wallet.  No problem, he said.  I left with a bird. A fresh, brined bird. A fresh, brined bird is now sitting in my refrigerator.  

Thank you, Trader Joe's. You're always there for me.