Hudson was a few weeks old and we were at our weekly breastfeeding group.  We were all newbie moms, eyes wide open wondering what we do now that we have these healthy, beautiful little babies.  Our babies were pretty easy, they slept, ate, pooped and snuggled for hours straight.  

It was wonderful having other new moms to connect with.  We talked about milk production, clogged milk ducts, too much production, too little production, our babies' weight gain, our babies' weight loss, lack of sleep, lack of sleep and more lack of sleep.  Same topics, over and over.  Days blended into weeks and weeks into months.  But it felt good knowing that we were all in "it" together and we were sharing an incredibly special bond.

Our get-togethers were comforting.  Until one day. A couple of moms were talking about their flash cards.  I listened quietly.  Granted, I was half asleep, but I swore they were talking about showing their three week old newborns flash cards.  OMG - how did I miss this in the books I had read?  Why didn't my pediatrician tell me about these flash cards?  Damn it, Hudson is already three weeks behind and I'm sure he'll be slower than all of the other babies because his mommy is behind the times and flash cards was not amongst the list of 500 "must haves" from Babies R Us!  I didn't ask questions as all of the moms seemed to know what the other moms were talking about.  I must be the only new mom on the planet who doesn't know about newborn flash cards.  

At the end of the group I drove back home in my lack of sleep daze and started consulting my expert, google.  I couldn't find anything on newborn flash cards other than the marketing pieces by the manufacturers themselves.  Baby Einstein of course has a line of flash cards (brilliant marketing name, by the way!).  But I found nothing to support the use of flash cards and newborn development.  I got to thinking, I'm pretty sure Einstein himself didn't use any sort of newborn flash cards.  Nor Beethoven.  Nor Sir Isaac Newton.  Nor Leonardo da Vinci.  I'm sure Einstein would be mortified if he knew about the Baby Einstein product line.  Now I don't mean to suggest that we should never use modern science and technology to improve the way we learn, but I wasn't able to find anything linking newborn flash cards and learning or development.  (Or any of the Baby Einstein products for that matter).  

Since I wasn't able to find anything solid on flash cards I asked a few friends with older children what they "did" with their newborns and they looked at me like I was going cross-eyed (I may have been given the lack of sleep I was surviving on).  Everyone pretty much came up with the same response - they showered their babies with love and affection, talked to them, made eye contact, sang to them and comforted their newborns.  Love.  Unconditional love.  That is all Hudson needed from me as a newborn.  Lucky for Hudson, he was already getting all of those things from his adoring mommy!  :)  

Hudson is going to be 17 months tomorrow and while he certainly has a lot of toys, for the most part, he still enjoys the simple things.  He couldn't live without his books, his spoons and his special cupboard filled with some Tupperware and pots and pans.  It's a constant reminder to me that I often get guilted into buying "developmental" toys.  I still love the classics - shape sorters, animal sounds books and puzzles and building blocks, but the rest of his toys are really unnecessary.  

I have many friends who are pregnant right now, or who have newborns and I hope this post reaches them right around the time they're at a moms group and wondering if they've messed up their kid for life because they don't have newborn flash cards!  You're doing a great job, just be in love with your babies and they will thrive!  

I sat down to write today because I have a friend in labor.  And one not in labor. One who is trying to help her cervix dilate so that she can give birth, and another who intentionally slowed down her labor.  This post is dedicated to them and their eventual birth of their babies.

Today started out differently for me than most days as well.  Although I knew Hudson was awake and I could hear him fussing over the monitor, I turned the monitor off and I took a few moments for myself.  I sat on my bed, in lotus position, and I began chanting a mantra that I haven't done in almost a year - "Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha.  Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha.  Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha".  It is thought that this mantra removes life's obstacles.  I cleared my mind, and then, feeling refreshed, I went in to kiss my baby good morning.  

Moments later I got a call that a friend was in labor, but she's not dilating.  She's in a hospital, and of course, the usual routine is taking place ... pitocin, increased and spiky contractions and early talks of a cesarian section.  I've set my daily intention towards sending her my love and openness and my hope for a smooth and vaginal birth.  

Our minds are more powerful than we could ever begin to imagine.  I know that it's true, and I see evidence of this all around me, but I'm still awestruck when I hear personal stories similar to the one I heard last week about an acquaintance (I'll call her "Jessica").  

While one friend is praying that her labor progresses, another, Jessica, used her mind to virtually stop her labor.  She was 36 weeks gestation last week when she started having contractions six minutes apart.  She knew that giving birth before 37 weeks meant that she couldn't have the birth that she had been hoping for, and she literally used her mind to stop her labor. She had read many accounts of where women weren't progressing with their labor, often because of the negative energy of someone in the room or close by, and she believed that if your mind and body are so connected, she could actually do the opposite - and stop her labor.  After hours of meditating, she did just that. She went from active labor to having contractions every 30 or so minutes.  One week later, she is now 37 weeks gestation.  

As I sat down to write this post I put my headphones on and turned up the volume.  The third song to play from my iTunes library was, Forgotten Seasons - the song that Hudson was born to.  It was also the soundtrack that was playing the very first time I met Jessica.  Coincidence?  Not likely. 

For my friend who will be giving birth sometime today, Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha.  May all of your obstacles be removed and allow you a safe and enjoyable delivery.  You are about to meet the person whom you will love more than you ever imagined possible.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  The rest of your life will never be as it was yesterday.

For my friend "Jessica", thank you for reminding me of the strong connection between body and mind, and how powerful we all are in controlling our lives.  

Namaste. 

Yep, another sappy baby Hudson blog post. Go figure. If you've been following my blog long enough you probably already expected today's post to be all about my little guy and me. 

My baby Hudson isn't so much of a "baby" anymore. Today at 5:20 p.m. he will be one year old. one. year. old. How did that happen?! I was just in labor. I was just pushing with all of my might. I was just holding my beautiful 7 pound, 12 ounce baby boy in my arms for the very first time. Just yesterday he cooed for the first time. Just yesterday he held up his own fragile little head for the first time. Just yesterday he sat up alone, and hopped across the floor on his belly. Just yesterday. Or at least it felt like it was just yesterday. 

The year has flown by. My "little little" is now a "big little".  I've watched him become a little boy, and such a charming little boy if I don't say so myself. 

This past year has truly been, as cliche' as it sounds, the very best year of my life. Without question, t-h-e best year.  It hasn't always been easy, nor has it always been joyful, but it has been perfect just exactly as is. 

I have grown so much not only as a mother, but as a person. As a woman. Being a first-time mommy has shown me where my "edge" is. I've learned just how little sleep I can actually survive on.  (Hopefully year two brings more sleep!)  And I do mean survive, because in the beginning that is what it was all about. Days, weeks are a blur. I remember snuggling with Hudson day-in-and-day-out for what seemed like months, though I'm certain it was likely only weeks. Maybe even days.

The biggest lesson I have learned this past year is that everything is temporary. It really is. For good and bad. Just when I thought Hudson was in a predictable routine, another milestone approached and the routine went bye-bye. And likewise, just about the time I thought I had no energy left for waking up every couple of hours, Hudson started sleeping six hours at a time. And then eight. And then ten ... It's all temporary. It gets easier and easier, just like everyone said that it would.

Another important lesson that I learned was that I am Hudson's parent, and although I'm new at this parenting stuff, I still know what's best for my baby. When Hudson was a newborn, Jamie and I struggled with making decisions for fear that we might make the wrong decision. As if there is ever truly a wrong or right decision anyway. I remember one of his friend's giving us the most sound advice when we asked him to make a decision for us. He told Jamie that part of parenting is making the tough decisions for our son and that we are the only people who know what's best for Hudson. That has really resonated with me over the past year as I've faced decision-making. It has been very empowering knowing (and I mean really knowing, believing) that I have all of the answers. I may fumble along the way, but I do the best that I know how.

This past year Hudson has learned how to roll over, crawl, walk, talk, giggle, snap his fingers, clap, wave, play peek-a-boo, give mommy raspberries, feed himself and give the best sloppy wet kisses you've ever had.  And he has six adorable pearly-whites. He's made snow-angels, body-sledded down a little mountain and he's been to Portland, Atlanta, Chicago and Hawaii.  We've had quite the active year and it's been an absolute ball. He really is my best buddy. 

I still remember the first second I laid eyes on my baby boy, as if it was just yesterday. On January 4, 2010, at 5:20 p.m. my whole world changed. Happy 1st Birthday, Hudson. You have no idea how much joy you bring to me each and every day. I love you so very much, and I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for us. 

Monday was a crappy day. It was a day that a daughter (or son) never expects to happen, but sometimes it just does. It was the day that my Dad decided he no longer wants to be a part of mine and my son's lives. Am I the only one? The only one whose father doesn't want a relationship with his own daughter? After days of sitting with so many mixed emotions I finally decided I would blog about it. 

Yesterday afternoon I was thinking about what I wanted to say and how much of my personal life I wanted to reveal. Would I actually tell the world that my own Dad doesn't want me in his life, or would I just speak about it in vague terms ? Or maybe I can talk about it without revealing that it was my dad who walked away versus some hypothetical family? What was I making it mean about 'me' that my Dad made this choice?

While I was pondering my approach I hopped on to a colleague's blog, and I saw a picture of a father holding his daughter's hand. At first glance I thought it was going to be a post about Amy's husband and their little girl, but once I started reading I realized it was not. As I read the first few sentences, I just about fell out of my chair. She posted it earlier that same morning. "When Your Parent Can't Give You the Love You Deserve." Clearly (and sadly) I am not the only one. 

I couldn't possibly discuss the subject any better than Amy already has, and therefore please visit Amy's post by clicking here.  Her post has given me so many gifts - most of all, perspective and compassion. Bravo to Amy for being so open and telling the truth.