There's one thing I know for sure.  Nothing.  I know absolutely nothing about my son's sleep pattern.  Is there even a pattern?  I suppose the only "pattern" is that it changes constantly.  

I, like just about every new mom that I've met, puts Hudson to sleep each night by rocking and nursing him.  Sometimes he passes out in my arms and I transfer him to his crib ever-so-carefully, and other times I put him in his crib while he's barely awake. I enjoy rocking and nursing him to sleep, but "everybody" says that I need to train him to sleep on his own.  Byron Katie would ask, "is it true?".  

One thing's for sure - good or bad, don't count on any sleep pattern to last. Sometimes he sleeps 11 hours straight through the night, other times he wakes up once or twice and last night he was up more than he slept.  

I've read just about every sleep book on the market and I've tried several different "sleep training" methods to teach Hudson how to put himself to sleep.  The No Cry Sleep Solution, The Sleep Lady Shuffle, you name it.  

Two nights ago I tried the shuffle, and I let Hudson cry it out for almost 45 minutes.  Granted, he wasn't "ferberized" (left in a dark room by himself); I sat right next to his crib, rubbing his back and whispering "nighty-night" as he wailed.  And wailed.  And wailed some more.  Although, sitting next to his crib didn't make me feel any better.  My entire body was tense and I felt like I was literally going to throw up.  "One more minute", I kept telling myself.  Surely he would tire himself out and fall asleep if I waited just one more minute.  One more minute turned into 10 and 20 and before I knew it, 45 minutes.  I picked him up, and did everything that all of the books say not to do.  I rocked and nursed my baby to sleep.  It was the one thing that felt "right" over the 45 minute period.  


It seems as though the only thing I "trained" Hudson to do is to cry when he goes into his nursery.  Not so successful.  

Everyone has a different opinion on infant sleep and sleep training.  There's no wrong and there's no right way of dealing with it.  It's all about what feels right to you - what is your gut telling you to do.  I stopped listening to my gut two nights ago, which told me "pick the baby up.  pick the baby up." Instead, I listened to my thoughts, which said, "if you pick the baby up, you fail."  My thoughts about picking my baby up were causing me to feel like a failure - picking my baby up is a circumstance and circumstances cannot cause pain, only our thoughts about a circumstance.  

Tonight I chose to rock and nurse Hudson to sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day and I may choose to give the shuffle a try once again.  And I may not.  But, either way, my body will know what to do.     

Infant sleep is such a touchy subject.  It's one that my partner and I disagree about and argue over constantly.  "Mother knows best", I tell him.  After all, mother gets baby to sleep at night.  And mother is okay with rocking and nursing her angel to sleep.